fearingfun asked: You say you're homesick, are you away at college or anything? I know what it's like to be away for Christmas too. I was away last year.
I’m still in high school, senior year, actually.
Most of my family lives on the East coast, hell, I was even born there (Maryland) and I was mostly raised in Liverpool, which is near Syracuse, New York. During my time there, it was really the first time I felt at home, (I moved a lot, but it didn’t bother me) and it was really the first time I made real friends, which was a huge improvement since I’ve always had social problems. Some of my best memories lies in that place, I spent Christmas at my Grandmother’s house, my two uncles, cousins, my aunt, dad, everyone was there, it was snowing and we were all opening presents, and everything felt just right, even if the power went out (and it did) we still had fun.
Even school was awesome, It was the first time I was, actually kind of happy at one, not to say I wasn’t at the other schools, it’s just, I don’t know, I think it really changed my life for the better. I mean, when I was younger, I was in special-ed classes, so of course, there’s not really going to be a lot of kids in there. I stopped going to speech therapy, and I started to go into bigger classes, which gave me an opportunity to socialize more with kids, and I did. People, actually liked me, and they liked my jokes and drawings and what-not. The field trips were fun too, we even went to Canada for a field trip. It’s just, there in New York, I really felt like I belonged, and that’s never happened before.
Of course, all good things came to an end, I graduated elementary school, and I was going to move to California. Of course, as soon as I went out the door of my home, I instantly broke down, I was leaving everybody I knew and loved and it just hurt me so Goddamn much. What’s worse is since I was gone, some things happened in my family that I should have been there for. Relatives died and other family members were depressed, so it doesn’t feel right not to be there.
Didn’t really like Southern California that much when I came here, too urban and ghetto. Even the apartment and school were ghetto as fuck. Someone was getting beaten below us, and even at school you could smell weed in the hallways, and I was picked on at school, I was still on medication so I was a chubby white kid, and I was an easy target. Heh, I was even picked on and hated for being ‘so white’. But nobody liked that fucker anyways so fuck him. And there was some people that stood up for me, so at least there was that.
After that I moved AGAIN, but THANKFULLY this time it was a much better school district. Good people, good teachers, this time, I kinda feel at home again. But I’m going to leave it all once more.
I guess one of my problems is I just can’t let go of the past and I’m afraid of the future.
